


On The Brink

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 20:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean breaks down on the side of the road. Not his car, his body. Sam helps his through it, and managed to help him as it gets worse, then better, then worse again.<br/>After that night, things change in their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Brink

**Author's Note:**

> Just a cute, quick little oneshot that turned out a little longer then expected. I actually didn't mean to make them get together but that's where it took me oops.  
> I don't even usually write Wincest. :p

"Can you stop that?" Sam asked.

"Stop what?"

"The tapping, on the wheel, you won't stop."

"Dude, I'm tapping. What's wrong with that?" Dean snapped.

"There's no music, it's just you. It's just annoying. Why are doing that anyway?" Sam asked.

"Well... I don't know, I just want to." Dean huffed. He grinned, but there was no humor there, and Sam could tell. So he left it alone.

"Hey, so I think I found something in Iowa. A girl jumped off a bridge, nothing new. But the way she did it was different. Middle of the night, she tied her feet to a rope, then the rope to the bridge. A man stopped his car and tried to talk her down, but he said it was like she was dreaming. Get this, she had her eyes closed, but was happy. She thought she was going bungee jumping with her mom." Sam finished.

"So what, sleep walker?" Dean asked.

"Well originally, that's what they thought. But she had no history of sleep walking, and no meds or drugs of any kind were found in her system. In fact, the oxytocin levels in her brain were high, not unusually high, but high enough to signify actual genuine happiness. Plus, if that wasn't weird enough, four others just like it in the last month. All reliving dangerous acts from not so safe places. A guy 'jumped from a plane' off a roof, a lady went 'deep sea diving' in her pool, without a snorkel. It's things like that." Sam said.

"And how did the original girl die? Rope snap?" Dean asked. Sam noticed his cheek twitch a little, like he was clenching his jaw, but he didn't say anything.

"Nope, it was too short. She didn't hit the water, and the rope managed to hold her up. Problem was that her neck snapped. The rope didn't bounce, so all that force went down, and she flung her head back at the bottom."

"Ok... Can you talk quieter?" Dean asked.

"Dude what is with you? Seriously, you alright?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine. Can you just put in Metallica?"

"No, you're not. Look, if we're gonna take a case, you need to be in good condition, and right now? Your tapping is getting way faster."

"Dammit Sam, don't you think I know that?!" Dean snapped. Sam leaned away in surprise.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

"I don't know! Ok?! I don't know! Just put in my goddamn tape!" Dean snapped. Sam held up his hands in surrender and pulled the container of tapes out of the glove compartment. He remembered, years ago, Dean said Metallica calmed him down.

As he pushed the tape in and the music started, Dean started humming. He noticed his tapping was almost in sync with the words, but slightly off.

"Dean-"

"I'm fine."

Sam growled. His brother was too stubborn to let on if something was wrong. There was no way he would talk.

"Don't be pissed at me for trying to help your ungrateful ass." Sam snapped. He felt bad for it instantly, because Dean was definitely having an issue right now, but he didn't take it back.

"Ok."

"Ok?" Sam repeated. The car jerked and before he could say anything, Dean made a loud burping noise and hunched forward. He waited a moment and breathed hard through his nose, holding up a finger.

"I'm not... I'm not try to stop you from helping. And I think I'm gonna need some help in a minute." Dean said quietly.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Sam asked, as the car slowed to a stop. Dean mouth curled into a grimace, then he turned towards him.

"I'm gonna throw up now." Dean said, opening his door. He made it all of a step before crouching down on the ground. Sam jumped out of the car and ran over to him, then crouched beside him.

"Dean, hey, you alright?" Sam asked. He was breathing hard but nothing was coming up.

"Hey, sit up, look at me. What's wrong?" Sam asked. Dean blew out a breath, but he didn't answer.

"Ok, alright. In and out, easy." Sam said. He put a hand on his back, and surprisingly Dean didn't shrug it off.

In an instant, his breathing was rapid, and Sam began to panic. He started rummaging through Deans coat pockets, but didn't find anything.

"Is this a hex? Are you hexed?!" Sam questioned. Dean whined and shook his head.

"Dean, say something. Hey, look at me. What's going on?" Sam asked.

"I-I don't- I don't- know- I don't-"

"Ok, alright. Stay calm. Just breathe."

"Can't! I can't!" Dean yelled.

"Alright. If this isn't an attack of some sort, then it's just anxiety. This happen before?" Sam asked. Dean shook his head.

"Alright. You just need to breathe. That's the most important thing." Sam said. He stood up and continued to check for things, hex bags, darts in his neck, anything that could trigger something, but he didn't see anything. Cautiously he sat back down, sliding towards Deans shaking form in the dark.

"Can't- Sam- Sam- help-" Dean gasped, reaching out for him. Sam slid closer on the pavement, not wanting to get puked on, but close enough for Dean to touch him.

"Sam, I-I'm- can't- hurts- can't-" Dean struggled.

"I know, it feels bad, but you're not gonna die or anything. It'll be ok. You want me to... Try to help?" Sam asked. Deans jerky nod was enough to tell his answer.

"Ok, alright. Hey, listen to me. Look at me. You're gonna be ok." Sam said, rubbing in small circles over his back.

"I can't- can't breathe- chest-" Dean stuttered, clutching at his chest.

"Oh God, you don't think this is a heart attack do you? All those burgers you eat, I wouldn't be surprised. Should I be calling an ambulance?" Sam asked quickly. Deans breathing picked up and Sams eyes widened.

"M'face- numb-"

"Ok, so your just not getting enough oxygen. You are going to pass out if you don't stop." Sam said, trying to stay calm.

"Sam- Sam- please-" he begged, as Sam slid closer.

"I can't do anything for you. I'm sorry, I can't. Tell me what you need. You want some water? Or I could... I could try to knock you out, but it would hurt like a bitch later." Sam offered. Dean shook his head and that seemed to make things worse. Now he swayed from shaking his head too fast.

"Sam! Need- Sam-" Dean got louder. He stood up and began to pace, making small whining noises as Sam followed behind him.

"Hey, calm down. Look at me, you gotta try to breathe." Sam said. He could see the tears starting to fall down his cheeks. Dean pushed past him and his hands shook, then his knees buckled, making him fall.

"Dean, hey! Come on man, you need to- damn it." Sam cursed, as Dean started to gag and heave.

"Ok, in the grass buddy, there you go." Sam said awkwardly. He patted his back and he coughed and sputtered.

When he was done he pulled him up and looked him over. He was pale, his whole body shook, and he was still breathing hard.

"Let's move ok? Just away from that. You think you can walk?" Sam asked. Dean just whined and Sam sighed.

"Ok, I'm gonna help you." Sam said. Gently he picked him up off the ground, helping him walk a few feet before flopping back down to sit against the other wheel. It wasn't far enough, and he could still smell it, but Dean didn't seem like he was going to move.

"You want... Anything?" Sam asked. Dean looked at him with wide eyes and Sam smiled sympathetically.

"You tell me if you're gonna throw up again, I don't want it on me." Sam said, before sliding over. He pulled Dean away from the tire and sat behind him, so that he could hold onto him.

"You cold or is that just stress?" Sam asked. Dean was trembling against his chest, and his breathing was still ragged.

"Sam- what's-" Dean tried pathetically to get a sentence together, but he just couldn't.

"It's ok, I told you. It's anxiety. The worse is over, I think, just try to breathe.

"W-What if- God- I- I can't-" Dean said quickly.

"You can. That's the only thing you have to focus on. Don't worry about shaking and puking and anything else that's gonna happen. I've got you." Sam said quietly.

He could feel a weird part of him stirring. That protective feeling, but something else also. Because at this moment, Dean couldn't hide anything. This was Dean scared and weak, being protected by his brother. He felt an odd comfort in the fact that he could do that.

"Sam- Sam-" Dean whimpered, urgency in his voice picking up.

"Hey, no, don't let this take over again. Just breathe." Sam said quietly. On a whim he rubbed Deans stomach a little. He wasn't touching skin, it was just to soothe him. He had after all just vomited everywhere.

"Just listen to my voice. You can beat this. Breathe in... Breathe out." Sam directed. Dean took a minute, but he did start to copy him. They started up a rhythm, in and out, and Dean started to calm down a little.

"You're doing good. Why don't you squeeze my hand a little? Let's see how much strength you've got." Sam said, pulling his hand away from Deans stomach.

Dean lifted his shaking hand and held onto Sams larger one. He didn't want to squeeze and let go. This was helping. Just being able to ground himself. Sam was real, he was ok, he was here. Dean was too. So he squeezed Sams hand, loosened his grip, and didn't let go.

Sam smiled a little and put his hand back on Deans stomach, rubbing light circles, with Deans hand on top of his. He debated with himself, before raising his other hand to Deans hair. It was weird, but not bad weird.

"This ok?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Yeah... S'helpin..."

"Ok. Just tell me if you want to stop." He said.

Sam continued his ministrations for a good ten minutes, just rubbing and combing his fingers through Deans short hair. Dean had started to relax, his breath returning and his trembling finally ceasing.

"M'sorry." Dean mumbled.

"For what?"

"Tapping... And this..."

"Dean, you don't need to apologize. This happens to everyone." Sam said kindly.

"Like who?" Dean said pathetically, not really expecting an answer.

"Like... Me, for example." Sam said quietly.

"This... Happens?" Dean asked. He wanted to make a full sentence, but his brain was hazy, and he just couldn't seem to ask what he wanted. When? Where? You dealt with this?

"After... After Jess died, you remember how I would go in the bathroom for a long time and come out shaky. You always asked if I was jerking off in there, and told me to keep it down with the noises. The... Whining. So... I did." Sam said slowly.

"I'm so sorry..." Dean said quietly.

"It's ok. I've actually learned how to deal with it." Sam said awkwardly.

"S'it still happen?" Dean slurred.

"Sometimes. Not very often. I just focus on breathing, sometimes I pace or tap my foot. But I can usually tell if it's gonna happen and stop it there. I haven't had one full blown like you just did in years." Sam explained.

"You want... Help? You'll tell me?" Dean breathed. Sam ducked his head into Deans hair and smiled. Even in a foggy, stressed-filled haze, he was still trying to help him.

"If you want, I'll tell you next time it happens, ok? But right now you don't need to think about that." Sam said quietly, brushing some hair behind Deans ear for him. Dean leaned into him and Sam huffed out a laugh.

For a minute they just sat there. Dean leaned against his chest, just starting to feel the cold of the night as the sweat from the panic attack dried on his skin. Sam kept rubbing his belly, small presses, just enough to soothe him, and using his other hand to move through Deans hair. He tried to feel something, anything other then guilt at this, but he couldn't. It was nice, the best, but it was odd. They shouldn't do this, Sam shouldn't do this for him.

"How about we get you in the car, or maybe even keep going to a motel, and I'll take care of you there?" Sam asked, breaking him away from his thoughts.

"Sam, I can't- 'm sorry. This-"

"Stop. Don't. Let's get you in the car, ok?" Sam said quickly, because he wouldn't let Dean ruin this moment.

He stood up slowly, lifting Dean with him by wrapping an arm over his chest tightly. Dean helped and then they were to the passenger door easily.

"Just get in, relax, the next town over is twenty minutes if we get back on the main road. Think you can do that?" Sam asked.

Dean nodded, but he wasn't positive. He felt weird, and it annoyed him, but he didn't have the strength to voice that. Instead, he dropped down in the passenger seat and waited, while Sam rummaged around in the back. He came back with a blanket, and draped it over him, then rolled down his window for him with the handle.

"You want some water? I mean, all we have is holy water, but it works." Sam said awkwardly.

"No, m'good." Dean said.

He wasn't, in fact water sounded good, but Sam had already practically rocked him in his lap. He didn't want to ask for more. Sam, the genius, picked up on it though, getting an unimpressed look on his face, and going back to the trunk. He pulled out their flask, the one with the water instead of alcohol, and put it in his hand. Dean took a long drink and handed it back, and Sam smiled as he took it.

"It's ok. You know that right? There's nothing to be embarrassed about." Sam said. Dean nodded and looked away.

Sam stepped over the puddle of puke and got in the drivers seat. He wanted to reach over, pat him on the shoulder, say it would be ok, but he wasn't sure it would be appreciated anymore. Dean was more lucid, more in control now. So instead of potentially embarrassing him, he started the car and turned on Deans Metallica tape on low volume.

As they started driving, Dean got tense. Sam noticed it almost immediately and slowed down. He figured he might be getting a little jittery about being back in the limited space.

"As soon as were back on the main road, I'll find an exit and get to a gas station. I'll get you some mints and a drink. Just to get the taste out of your mouth and settle your stomach. No beer, alright? Don't try to sneak one when I go in either, ok?" Sam said. He knew Dean could hear him, but he didn't expect an answer.

So he drove.

Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed.

Another ten and he found the exit.

As Sam pulled over and stopped at the gas station, he had to remind himself not to push it, even though Dean was humming and tapping his foot.

"I'm gonna go in now. Just stay put." Sam said. He quickly got out and went inside, grabbing a pack of mints and a sprite. It wouldn't be the greatest taste together though, so he got some crackers and chips too. Dean would eat that, and it would get something in him, even if it wasn't the healthiest.

As he paid, he looked up at the cashier and cleared his throat. She couldn't be less interested, but met his eyes anyway. He figured she might be nice at any other time. Right now though, it was 2:30am and she looked too tired to care.

"Sorry, is there a motel around? Preferably cheap and close? My brother is kinda sick, and were on a road trip. I thought we could drive through the night, but he just can't make it, and I don't know the area." Sam said. At that the girl looked sympathetic and gave up being defensive.

"There's one down on the second exit after this. It's not much, I stayed there when I was moving here. Can't complain though. There's a drink machine outside, it's got hot water, and no bed bugs." She said.

"Thank you, so much, really." He said gratefully. He paid, then slid her an extra twenty.

"You keep that. You probably deserve it for being here this late." Sam said. She smiled and thanked him as he left, and he waved behind him.

"Sam, think i's happenin' again." Dean muttered as he got in the car.

"Ok, it's alright. The woman that checked me out said there's a place to stop, just two exits out. You think you can make it?" Sam asked. Dean clenched his jaw.

"Go." He ground out.

Sam pulled out quickly and got back on the road. He was speeding, he knew that, but now that Dean might lose it again, he wasn't going to waste time.

He sped past one exit, and passed a slower car, all while Deans breathing was picking up. Sam knew he had to hurry, because he knew that feeling. Right on the brink of spiraling into another fit, but just holding it off.

"Sam-"

"I know, just hold on, ok?" Sam said. He took one hand off the wheel, something he normally didn't do for safety, but right now Dean was the most important thing. He reached his hand out and pulled the blanket off Deans arm, then pulled his hand out. He was hesitant, because of course this was weird, but he didn't focus on it long. He picked up Deans hand and held it, letting him squeeze to relieve stress.

"Almost there, just breathe." Sam said. He felt like he was talking to a pregnant wife, but he managed not to laugh at that though. Dean was right there after all, and he wouldn't appreciate it.

He sped up just a little more, making sure to match the speed of a car in front of him so he didn't get pulled over.

"When we get there, stay in the car. I'm gonna run in and make sure there's a room, then I'll come get you. Just stay calm and breathe." Sam said calmly. Dean whined as an answer, but he couldn't speak.

He could feel it all again. The lack of air in his lungs, the pain in his chest. His head was starting to spin, and he felt restless, like he had to move. He wanted out, wanted to walk or run, anything but being in here. It felt like the car doors were closing in on him.

"Sam- I need- I don't know-" Dean said pathetically.

"I know, I know, just squeeze my hand. You can do this. See, here's the exit, right up here." Sam said quickly. Dean was trying his best, but he was losing the battle, and as Sam pulled up to a motel, he realized the noise he was hearing was from him.

"I'm not- I'm sorry." Dean said.

"It's ok, don't worry. Just stay here alright? I'll be right back." Sam said quickly. Without letting him debate, he jumped out and ran inside, looking at the man at the desk with urgency.

"I need a room quickly, two beds. My brother is- Dean!" Sam said. Dean stood there shaking, blanket around him, holding the car keys.

"S'locked- Sam I- I need- can't-" Dean stuttered.

"I know, it's ok, just breathe." Sam said, putting his hand on Deans shoulder.

"Hurry? Please?!" Sam snapped. The man looked spooked, and handed him a key quickly.

"Room six, that way." He pointed. Before they could walk, Dean broke down, whining and putting his hands in his hair.

"Make it stop!" Dean cried, and Sams heart broke. Dean had tears falling down his face and he couldn't do anything to stop it but try to calm him down.

"I can't, I'm sorry, I can't. Just breathe, you'll get through this. If I had a prescription for anxiety or something, I could help you, but I never had any. Come on, let's just get you in the room." Sam encouraged. Dean stumbled with him, trying to keep himself together, while the man at the desk watched them go.

"You tell me if you think you're gonna be sick again, ok? The second it hits you." Sam said. He stepped in front of Dean and unlocked the room, and as soon as they were inside, Dean ran to the bathroom. That was word enough, and Sam grimaced as the dry choking noises started.

As Dean heaved and got rid of almost nothing, Sam rubbed his back. He wanted to help, he did, but he just couldn't.

"I'm gonna go get the weapons and clothes from the car. I'll be right back, I promise." Sam said quietly. Dean whined pathetically, but didn't fight as another round of gagging forced through him.

Sam ran outside as quick as possible. He had the weapons bag on one shoulder, Deans clothes on the other, his clothes in one hand, and the snacks and drink stuffed in various pockets. He managed to get the door and shut it, then let everything drop. He didn't want to worry about warding. Instead he shoved a knife and gun under the pillows of each bed, and went back to the bathroom.

What he saw was definitely private. He felt like he shouldn't be there. Dean was in the corner crying. Hyperventilating, shaking, and crying. He hadn't even flushed the toilet, just crawled away. Sam walked in slowly to announce his presence, and closed the toilet lid. He flushed it and crouched down, approaching him slowly like a spooked animal. A spooked hunter was far more dangerous anyway.

"You think you're done?" Sam asked quietly. Dean whimpered, he fucking whimpered, and he hid his face instantly.

"Come on, get up. Let's get you in a bed. Come on, stand." Sam said.

It was odd how Dean worked. He was raised to follow orders. It was in his blood. Sam just had to say stand up, and Dean stood on his shaky legs. He felt bad ordering him, but if it pulled him together it was for the best.

"Come on, take a deep breath. Sit down on the bed and take off your shirts." Sam said. Deans hands shook, and he made a small noise, which made Sam stop.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm not going anywhere, just try to breathe."

"S-So sorry-"

"Shut up, don't apologize. Dean this happens. It's ok. Try to take a deep breath ok? Just focus on that. Only do your shirt if you can. I'm trying to keep you moving, but if I push too far just stop me." Sam said. Dean nodded and sniffed, trying to get a hold on himself.

Sam nodded and walked away from him. He picked up Deans bag first, pulling out his sweat pants and a t-shirt, then went to his bag and dug out the same. He changed quickly, able to focus, but Dean was struggling. His whining had picked up, and he was practically vibrating from trembling so much.

"It's ok, breathe. In and out. In... Out. In... Out." He repeated.

Sam kept saying that as he untied Deans boots, then slid them off. Next went socks, then his shirt layers. He helped Dean slip into the shirt, then helped him stand up to change pants himself. Even if they were being intimate, taking off his brothers pants for him felt like crossing the line a little. Still, he steadied himself with Sams arm, since he felt wobbly. When he was done, he looked at him pleadingly.

"How do you feel? Any better?" Sam asked. His breathing had calmed down, but the shaking hadn't, and neither had the small distress noises he would make. Tears formed again and Dean looked away.

"Dean, hey, come on. It's ok." Sam said, lightly pulling him in. Once he knew Dean wasn't pulling away, he wrapped him tighter in a hug, and to his surprise, Dean hugged back.

"Come on, get into this bed, and slide over to one side." Sam said, a little sharpness in his voice. Dean pulled back and instantly obeyed Sams command.

As he settled, the shaking came back, but Sam had planned for that. He went to his jeans that were now on the floor, and pulled out the little candy mints, then turned off the lights in the room.

"Open." Sam said, crouching in front of Dean. He opened his mouth, and Sam popped one in, then put those and the drink on the night stand, within his reach. He turned on the lamp, so Dean could see him, then went to the other side of the bed.

"Suck on it, don't chew. If your stomach gets upset from it then tell me." Sam said, then crawled in beside Dean.

"Is this ok?" Sam asked, as he slid closer. Dean nodded.

"No, I need to know. I want to help, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Turn over and look at me." Sam said. Dean did after a minute, his breathing picking up a little.

"Shift- shifting- can't- feels bad- it's my stomach-"

"I get it, it's ok, just one more turn after this. Look, I get that this is... Different. But it'll help, and I'm gonna help you. So just tell me to stop if this gets too weird for you." Sam said. Dean nodded again.

"No, look, I need something verbal. I want to know that we're clear."

"Clear. Yes. Please- help-" Dean started to break down again, his breathing coming in short gasps.

"Hey, no no no, shush, turn one more time and I'll help, ok?" Sam said.

"Christō." Dean whispered. Sam chuckled, and Dean nodded.

"It's ok, I get it. Don't turn your back when you're vulnerable." Sam said. Dean nodded shyly. That had been something they had to remind each other many times, after a fight gone wrong. This was different circumstances, but pretty much the same thing.

"Turn over now, I got you." Sam said. Dean but his lip and turned over so his back was to Sam, then whined as his stomach turned.

"I'm gonna hold onto you, ok? Just like before. You still sucking on that mint? It'll calm down your stomach." Sam said. Dean nodded and whined a little.

"Ok, like I said, tell me if you want me to switch beds." Sam said.

Just like that it was back to their position from before. One hand on Deans stomach, rubbing little circles, while the other hand ran through his hair and over his scalp lightly. It took a minute for it to take, but this time Dean didn't take it so well. He felt trapped, and had to shake off Sams arms.

"Hey, shhh, shhhh, shhhhhh. Hush now. Listen to my voice. It's me, it's Sam. You're safe. Just breathe, in and out. I got you." Sam said. Dean choked out a pitiful noise as another tear fell, then tried to take a breath.

It was like possession, he thought. He was in his head, sort of foggy and out of reach, but there. He felt stupid, and weak. He didn't know why he was crying but he couldn't stop it. All these thoughts kept running through his head, until a voice broke through.

"You're not stupid, you're brilliant, and you the best hunter in the world. It's ok to break down sometimes. It's ok. You're not stupid. Shhhh, shhhhh, shhhhh." Sam repeated. So he had been blabbing out loud then. Great.

"I'm gonna try to hold onto you again, ok? One at a time." Sam said. He put his arm back in place and waited, letting Dean get used to it, but he still didn't like it. He moved a little and Sam pulled away. Instead, he began to brush his hair, and ok. That didn't feel so bad. In fact, it might even be helping.

Sam went way slower then before. Dean started to relax, and just as he was beginning to feel that familiar stirring of something wrong, Sam put an arm over him and it dissipated. He waited another minute before trying to touch Deans stomach, and before he even did, he brushed over his shirt lightly. Only after Dean nodded did he begin to touch.

Dean didn't really see or feel a change as it happened. It was more like one minute he couldn't think and then all of a sudden he realized he was breathing again. His head hurt, like a dull ache at his temples and behind his eyes, but other then that he felt better. He wanted to say something, anything, but Sam was still doing that thing with his fingers in his hair and he felt... Ok.

"Can you... Pull up the sheet?" Dean asked. Sams hand stilled, then he continued slower.

"Course, here." He said, pulling the covers up over them both more. Dean hummed in appreciation and slid back a little closer to him.

"Can you..." Dean stopped. He felt weird about asking all this. When he was freaking out it was one thing, but now that he felt calm enough to talk, it might be deemed inappropriate. But instead of asking what he meant, Sam immediately put his arm back around his waist. Dean felt petrified as he put his hand on top of Sams, but Sam just hummed and smiled.

"Go to sleep now. Don't wake up early. If you wake up before twelve, go back to sleep." Sam said. Dean nodded.

"Thank you." He mumbled.

"You're welcome." Sam said back quietly.

* * *

"Sam?" Dean asked quietly. Sam didn't move. Dean sighed and mentally kicked himself. What had he been thinking?! This was wrong!

He was currently wrapped in Sams arms, his face pressed against his chest. He was warm and comfortable, but he felt guilty. He could practically _feel_ the anxiety from last night coming back.

Dean took a deep breath and tried to slide out of Sams grip slowly, but as soon as he moved, Sams grip tightened substantially, startling him.

"You're not going anywhere. It's only ten. Lay back down." Sam said, without opening his eyes.

"Sam-"

"You need rest. Relax." Sam said, opening his eyes this time and making eye contact. Dean looked away, and Sam rolled his eyes, a fond smile making it's way to his face.

"Just... Go back to sleep. It's ok." Sam said calmly. So Dean shut his eyes, and he tried to relax again. Surprisingly to him, it wasn't hard. He was asleep again in minutes.

* * *

When Sam woke up officially, and knew he wouldn't be going back to sleep, Dean was still out like a light. A selfish part of him thought how this was nice, that he might even like to do this consistently. But then, Dean would never do this if he was lucid enough to resist. He had proven that by trying to escape earlier that morning.

It was strange after all. They were related, and this wasn't something siblings did. Not normal ones anyway. There had been nights when they were younger where Dean would have a nightmare, or Sam couldn't sleep, and they'd climb into a bed together. Their dad chalked it up to kids being kids, but now Sam wasn't so sure.

There were other times to. After a hunt when they were both beat up, and it had been a close call, too close. Times when they would stumble into the room, clean the blood off with a wet paper towel, too tired to do anything else. They'd fall into a bed together without question, because they needed to just feel that they were both still there, still alive.

It was always times like that when he would let himself touch, maybe even wake up like this. Then they would both get up and act like nothing happened. Maybe throw a "thanks" over their shoulder as they went to the shower or out to get food. Something told him that wouldn't happen this time.

As Dean stirred, Sam stopped his movements. At some point his hand had gone to Deans hair, just like last night. Deans eyes opened slowly and his face scrunched up in that way it did after sleep. Dean never did wake up looking graceful.

"What're you doin'?" Dean said, reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes.

"Just... Waiting for you you to wake up." Sam said.

"Ok." Dean said quietly. This was the awkward part, the time when neither of them really knew what to do or say, so they ran off. Sam wasn't gonna let that happen this time.

"Do you feel any better?" Sam asked.

"Yeah... A little. Feeling a little weird now actually." Dean said shyly, not making eye contact.

"Hey, look at at me. It's ok, really. You can't just avoid me. It's really ok." Sam said gently.

Dean couldn't help the little flutter he felt in his stomach. Was Sam hinting that _this_ was ok? But he couldn't be. Because it's WRONG. They were related for Gods sake. But then... Who else would understand or accept them except each other?

"Dean, you're kinda pale, you ok?" Sam asked.

"Y-Yeah, just... Look, I appreciate this, I do. I just think... We should..."

"I get it." Sam said nicely, giving him a thin-lipped smile that wasn't at all genuine.

"It's just- I mean... This is nice, but..."

Was he... Trying to open a conversation? He never did that. But then, there's always a time for firsts, and Sam wasn't gonna complain.

"But what? Is there something wrong?" Sam asked innocently. Dean ducked his head

"Don't make me say it." Dean mumbled into Sams shirt. He could feel his jumpiness coming back and he felt like he couldn't breathe all of a sudden. Sam picked up on it.

"Hey, it's ok. It's alright. Nevermind." Sam said quickly, pulling him closer into a weird, laying-down hug. Dean felt air come back into his lungs despite being crushed by his brother, and he relaxed again. Until they pulled back.

Damn, he was close. Really close. They both stared at each other, neither one daring to so much as blink. Then Sam licked his damn lips, and something triggered in both of them. They both went forward and-

Smack.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Dean swore, holding his nose. Sam was in a similar state, starting to laugh at the situation already.

"What's so funny?! My nose hurts!" Dean griped.

"Y-Your voice!" Sam laughed.

Yeah ok, Dean holding his nose and yelling was kinda funny. He found himself giggling too, and soon both of them were just cackling looking at each other, holding their noses. So that might have been the worst attempt at kissing ever.

As they calmed down and let go of their faces, they made eye contact again. Much less stressed this time. There was actual shyness in Deans eyes that Sam found adorable, but even with that trying to hold him back, Dean was first to move. He leaned up and kissed Sams forehead instead. It was just a peck, nothing near a kiss, but Sam was ok with that.

"So... What was that?" Sam asked after a minute. Deans smile fell for a moment and he looked down.

"Hey..." Sam said quietly, reaching out and tilting Deans face up towards him again. Sams smile made Dean cheer up, but his shyness was back.

"I don't- I don't know." Dean said lamely. Damn it, he sounded like a school girl talking to her crush for the first time.

"That was... Ok?" He said quietly, his eyes darting around to look anywhere but Sam.

"Yeah, it was." Sam said, and ok, now Dean looked genuinely happy. The light blush on his cheeks made Sam want to hug him closer, but he knew if he wanted Dean not to freak out about this, he had to go slow.

"Do you wanna get up and get some breakfast? You kinda got rid of everything last night, you're probably starving." Sam said casually. Dean nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Actually I am hungry. A little. I'm also just tired."

"What about breakfast, then back to bed?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, that sound great." Dean smiled.

So they untangled from the sheets and got up. They got dressed, and Sam grabbed him when he stumbled from getting lightheaded. Sam drove and Dean ate as much as he wanted, because seeing Dean happy and more relaxed then usual was great. He figured all his stress had drained last night, at least for a while.

They then went back to the hotel, and went back to sleep in separate beds. Sam wondered what it meant, if he was having second thoughts, but then when they ate popcorn late that night and watched a movie, Dean reached over and bravely took his hand. Sam looked over and saw Dean nervously swallow, and he smiled, then moved his attention back to the screen. Neither of them separated their hands to get more popcorn through the whole movie.

It was weird at first, transitioning into that. It took a few days after that for Dean to make any sort of movement, snaking his arm around Sams waist while they both stood at the counter in some no-name motel. Sam smiled and nodded his head, more to himself then anything, and put his arm around Deans shoulder while they waited for their probably disgusting Chinese leftovers to warm up in the microwave.

As the days went by, Sam grew more bold as well, trying to take Deans hand in public, but Dean would shy away. He just wasn't ready for that. So Sam did more when they were alone. Leaning over closer to him, touching his arms or hands when walking past. He even went so far as to kiss his cheek before they went to bed, and it return Dean pulled back the covers to his bed in an invitation.

They wouldn't be having sex any time soon. Sam wasn't sure if they would at all. Maybe one day Dean would panic and decide their relationship was too weird, or maybe they would just decide that was too far. But for right now Dean was content. He was happy with the shy touches and occasional sleeping in the same bed. Therefore, Sam was happy too.

For now, it was ok. And that's more then anyone usually got in their line of work. So they both held onto that.


End file.
